Quote selected by
Regina Lang
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
A GLIMPSE INTO THE BOOK
The Power of Small Steps
Sarah carried the weight of her sister's betrayal for years, believing she needed one dramatic moment of forgiveness to heal. But healing came in quiet moments—first acknowledging her pain, then slowly releasing her right to revenge, and finally finding peace not in forgetting, but in choosing to see her sister's humanity despite her flaws.
Like Sarah, we're all "amateurs at forgiving... bungling duffers sometimes. So what? In this game nobody is an expert. We are all beginners."
Rev. Dr. Lewis Smedes (1921-2002) was the author of 15 books
BOOK FACTS
Forgive & Forget
Originally published: 1984
Print length: 176 pages
Listening length: N/A
Ratings: 4.4 Amazon, 4.0 Goodreads
IDEAS TO CONSIDER
The Truth About Forgiving
🐌 Forgiveness happens gradually, often in small pieces rather than grand gestures.
🚫 True forgiveness is neither excusing bad behavior nor pretending it didn't happen.
⛓️💥 Forgiveness liberates the one who forgives, even if the offender isn't remorseful.
A FRAMEWORK TO SIMPLIFY
The Four Stages of Forgiveness
1️⃣ We Hurt: The initial wound creates pain that lingers and refuses to fade.
2️⃣ We Hate: Anger and righteous indignation surface as natural responses.
3️⃣ We Heal Ourselves: You develop "magic eyes" to see the person who hurt you differently.
4️⃣ We Come Together: The possibility of reconciliation emerges.
TACTICS TO INSPIRE ACTION
Putting Forgiveness Into Practice
Start Small
Begin with minor hurts rather than major traumas.
Practice forgiveness in bits and pieces rather than trying to forgive everything at once.
Give yourself permission to forgive gradually and imperfectly.
Honor the Process
Allow yourself to fully experience each stage without rushing.
Acknowledge your anger and hurt feelings without judgment.
Practice saying "ouch" and naming specific hurts to yourself.
Daily Practices
Set aside quiet time to reflect on your feelings.
Write letters you'll never send to express your emotions.
Use the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono practice: "I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you".
Remember
You're not excusing the behavior or pretending it didn't happen.
The goal is your freedom, not the other person's absolution.
Forgiveness is a skill that improves with practice, like any other.
FROM THE AUTHOR
Lewis B. Smedes Books
Keeping Hope Alive: For a Tomorrow We Cannot Control (2000)
The Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How (1996)
Shame & Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve (1992)
